ERROR
by Flamegirl217
Summary: A series of one-shots containing Katrina Maximoff, the hitman-for-hire and general nutcase.
1. Final Demands

**A/N: Other OCs were Bosses and stuff, so I decided to make an OC that was actually a Homie. Also, I used female pronouns for the Boss since mine was female, but you can just change those to male pronouns if you want. The following one-shots are going to be small snippets based on Saints Row The Third and Saints Row IV. Enjoy.**

The Boss was driving through the streets of Steelport, running over a few people, when her cell phone began to ring. She frowned at the ID before answering.

"What do you want Matt?" Whoops. There went another hobo.

 _"Just…wanted to make sure that everything worked out. And that, you know, you wouldn't be sending anyone after me."_

"Nope. I'm not satisfied." The Boss smiled.

 _"What?!"_

"Hey I was in a fucking helicopter crash. I could have died." She snapped, turning a corner.

 _"W-well there is_ one _thing I could possibly give you-"_

"What is it?"

 _"A potential recruit. If you can free her, she might help you."_

"Well alright then." The Boss smiled again before adjusting her course. This had better not have been a trick Miller was trying to screw her with.

After buying more ammo at Friendly Fire, the Boss decided to call Matt and find out where this 'potential recruit' was.

"Alright Matt, so where's this recruit of yours?"

 _"She's being held in the Steelport Mental Institution."_

"Aw come on, a nuthouse?" The Boss groaned, getting back into her car, and she could practically hear Miller's shrug on the other end.

 _"I thought you were a fan of finding the mentally ill to join your ranks."_

"I don't know, that's…a little off, even for me." And with that, the Boss ended the call and hit the gas. She had been called a sociopath plenty of times, but she didn't need someone _actually_ delusional in the Saints.

What was the plan here? Run in and shoot everyone in sight?

She considered it for a moment, and shrugged. Sounded about right.

The building _looked_ like a prison, and the impression didn't change once the Boss was inside. There was a receptionist at the front desk, a sweet-looking (if not a little chubby) woman.

"Uh, excuse me?" She piped up as the Boss walked past her, "Do you have an appointment?" The Boss stopped and held up her pistol.

"No, but I have a gun." She shook it a little, and the receptionist paled.

"G-go right in."

The Boss smiled and continued walking. Ha, mental institution her ass. This was a wannabe prison. The cell doors were _bars_ , not steel doors. The Boss frowned, seeing only men on this floor. She'd made it about halfway down the stairs before alarms suddenly blared out.

"Well, seems like the receptionist wasn't so nice after all." The Boss remarked, and then quickened her pace, once again carrying her pistols.

This floor had a mix of both genders in its cells, but the Boss had to quickly deal with about half a dozen guards first. A few bullets quickly took care of them.

"Alright, now which one of you is the nutjob I'm looking for?" She wondered aloud, looking around at the patients staring off into space or staring at _her_.

"Who here knows Matt Miller?"

A hand stuck itself out of the bars of a cell, waving spastically.

"Me! Me! I do!"

"Well there you go." The Boss remarked, and quickly hurried over the cell. The woman was _tiny_ , even shorter than Miller. She flicked the black high ponytail out of her face with a grin, waiting until the Boss had unlocked the doors before walking out.

"So, did Matt ask for me specifically?" Her voice was high-pitched, but excited.

"Sort of." The Boss replied, and then dialled, "Miller, I found her."

 _"Oh, good."_

The woman immediately brightened, eyes glinting.

"Hiya Matt. Miss me?" She asked, and Miller groaned.

"You two have a history?" The Boss smirked in amusement, glancing at the woman.

 _"Not really. Look, just take Katrina and get out of there."_

He hung up, but the Boss's look didn't fade.

"So, your name's Katrina?" She asked, and the woman shifted in her patient uniform.

"Friends call me Kiss. Not-friends call me Kat." Katrina replied, and giggled.

"And which one am I?"

"We'll see." She giggled again.

"Yeah well you better decided quickly because another six or seven guys are probably about to show up." The Boss told her, and then turned back in the direction she had entered from, where exactly what she had just said was coming was now arriving. The Boss quickly shot at all of them, grunting when a bullet got too close. Katrina stayed behind the Boss until there was only about one left, at which point she darted forward and snatched a gun from one of the dead guards, shooting the last alive one with a perfect headshot.

"Woah." The Boss blinked before smiling, "You ready to go?" Katrina nodded and jumped back to her feet.

"Let's go. It was meatloaf day and I was _not_ looking forward to it." Once again, she let the Boss go first, leading the way back outside and to the car. On the way they shot anyone they encountered, but Katrina hogged most of them, getting irritated when they didn't die with a headshot like before. They sprinted to the car, bullets still flying after them, and the Boss took the wheel as Katrina jumped into the back seat.

"You could've aimed a little lower, you know, like the _chest_." The Boss remarked, speeding away from the building.

"Why waste three bullets when I could just use one?" Katrina shrugged.

The Boss followed Katrina's directions to one of the smaller houses on the edges of Steelport, and walked with her as she bounded up to the front door. Knocking eagerly, Katrina smiled as she glanced at the Boss. The Boss looked at the door as it opened to show another woman holding a baby in her arm. She looked like a Decker specialist, but without the miniskirt and roller skates. Her eyes widened in surprise as she saw Katrina, who immediately turned her attention to the baby.

"When did you get out?" Surprisingly, no British accent.

"Two minutes ago." Katrina replied, still focused on the baby.

"So, Kat, if the Saints ever need your help…" The Boss asked, not really up for the whole 'family reunion' thing.

"Yeah yeah, I'll be there." Katrina waved her hand dismissively, "And call me Kiss."

"Alright." The Boss shrugged, and then turned and walked back down the drive, leaving Katrina and her sister to the baby.


	2. Katrina's Simulation And Nightmare

Speeding through the fake Steelport, the Boss contacted Miller outside of the simulation.

"Matt, I want to find out if Katrina's still alive."

 _"Oh you can't be serious."_

"Hey she's a pain in your ass. Maybe she'll be a pain in Zinyak's as well."

 _"Do we really have to? I mean I know we're trying to save what's left of the Earth but-"_

"Hey, you'll finally have someone your own size." The Boss joked, super-jumping over a building as Matt grumbled.

 _"Fine."_

The Boss smiled, and when it was finally ready she headed for the Broken Shillelagh. C.I.D. was already waiting for her there.

"I am not certain if you should be retrieving Miss Maximoff." C.I.D. remarked, "A fragile mind such as hers may not respond well to the simulation's programming."

"Hey Kat's a little off but she's always managed to hold out in the end." The Boss replied, and then added as she moved towards the gateway, "Let's just hope whatever nightmare she's trapped in is the same."

~O~

 _"Katrina Maximoff. Homicidal maniac. Uncontrollable psychopath. Good with kids. Matt introduced us after I kicked his ass back in Steelport, and since then she's been an invaluable help to the Saints. If we're going to win this fight we'll need plenty of crazy, and Katrina's got all the crazy we need."_

~O~

The hallway of white tile was dark and dirty, bugs crawling over every surface. Everything seemed to be swaying slightly, like the whole thing was out of some sort of horror film.

"Uh Kinzie, what am I looking at?" The Boss asked uncertainly.

 _"It's looks like a hospital. Maybe it's an exaggerated version of that mental asylum you said you pulled her from."_

"Oh-kay, majorly up on the creep factor." The Boss remarked, and began moving forward. She couldn't move faster than a walking pace, and she suddenly disappeared so all she could see was her gun with a flashlight attached to it.

"Woah wait where the _fuck_ did I go?" The Boss exclaimed.

 _"Hang on, let me try and fix it."_

The Boss, still uneasy, continued forward. She grimaced as bugs crunched under her boots, and she tightened her grip as she neared a corner. Something jumped out with an unearthly noise and the Boss let out a cry as she pulled the trigger, causing whatever it was to explode into black ash.

"What the fuck was that?" The Boss asked, slightly hysteric and panting.

 _"A jumpscare, most likely. Just keep going, it'll be fine."_

"Easy for you to say." The Boss muttered. Her walking was slightly faster than before, a strange sound like moaning filling the air as the tiny legs of the bugs still crawling on the walls and floors clicked on the tile. The Boss was still freaked out as she turned two more corners, prepared to shoot at any moment.

"Okay, maybe C.I.D. had a point." The Boss remarked. More creatures burst out of the walls, out of the floors, screeching as they rushed at the Boss. She fired randomly, but only a few went down as the others tackled her. They clambered and clawed at her, and just as the Boss struggled for breath everything seemed to disappear. The creatures, the dirty tile walls, the creepy bugs. The Boss was now standing in front of two swinging doors, like the entrance to an operating room.

"Oh thank god." The Boss said in relief, now able to see herself again. She held her gun at the ready as she walked through the doors, and she took a few steps forward before stopping, eyes growing wide. On the wall in front of her, Katrina was pinned like she were nailed to a cross, covered in something like black dripping tar. Only about three quarters of her head weren't covered, and she looked like she was in tremendous pain.

"Now Miss Maximoff, we're only trying to help you." A voice echoed even though there was no one else in the room except for Katrina and the Boss, and Katrina raised her head weakly.

"I don't…need…help." She whimpered.

"Hold on Kat, I'll get you out of there." The Boss called to her, but she didn't seem to hear her. Tiles were pushed from the walls, tar dripping out from the cracks as more creatures pulled themselves through. The Boss open fired, even as they reached out near her feet. From here, she was able to see the creatures more clearly. Decaying flesh, sunken and rotten skin, some dressed in the shredded remains of Steelport Mental Institution guard uniform.

"Ugh, Kinzie, a little help here!" The Boss exclaimed as jagged nails dug into her ankle.

 _"Hang on, I'm sending you something."_

"Sure would be great if I had my _superpowers_ right about now." The Boss continued, backing away as she continued to shoot at the creatures. After a moment, the Boss was holding an infinite supply of Molotov cocktails.

"And uh, what am I supposed to do with these?" They probably weren't even _alive_.

 _"Haven't you ever played a horror game? They're_ always _susceptible to fire."_

Without another word the Boss threw a cocktail, burning a creature and setting fire to several of its companions as well. The Boss gave a small smile before taking advantage of the word 'infinite'.

"Just a little longer Kat, I'm coming!" The tar was beginning to drip down Katrina's forehead, her face deathly pale. The Boss took care of the rest of the creatures and hurried towards Katrina, and a large mound of tar oozed down to the floor. It took shape, turning into a shrink but with the same sunken decaying skin as the other _things_.

"You'll be _fine_ , Katrina." The voice was a grating hiss as the doctor uncapped a large syringe filled with a liquid as disgustingly black and murky as the tar itself, and Katrina tried to pull herself from the wall, grimacing in pain and fear. The Boss quickly sprinted towards her, shooting at the doctor. The bullets seemed to be absorbed by his skin, and he looked at the Boss with a lipless smile.

"Hold still." Grabbing her hair and wrenching her head to the side, Katrina let out a strangled yelp as the doctor held the needle near her neck.

"No!" The Boss exclaimed, and with no other option she threw a Molotov cocktail at the doctor. He jumped back from Katrina as flames engulfed him. The choking smell of burning filled the room as the doctor ran for the Boss. She jumped out of the way at the last second, shooting him in the back of the head as he charged past. He stumbled, and the Boss threw another cocktail. Each time she did, he was stunned for a short amount of time, and when he charged she would shoot him and take away more of his life. Just as it seemed that she herself was about to die, the Boss threw another cocktail, this time causing the doctor to crumple to the ground.

"I'm never going to a hospital again." The Boss declared, and ran for Katrina. The only thing that was still free of tar was her mouth, and she was gasping for breath. Reaching into the disgusting substance and grabbing Katrina's shoulders, the Boss grunted as she tried to pull her free. With a great heave of effort, Katrina was wrenched out of the tar and fell to the ground. The Boss went to help her up, and behind her the doctor stirred, pulling itself to its feet to several snapping sounds. He charged for the Boss with an inhuman noise. As the Boss whipped around Katrina's eyes snapped open and she snatched the discarded needle from the floor, tackling the doctor with an angry cry. She stabbed him repeatedly with the syringe, the tar filling him system and making him convulse wildly, but even when he died she didn't stop.

Eventually, Katrina threw the needle away, tears running down her face. The Boss stepped forward, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Come on." The Boss told her gently, "Let's get out of here." The Boss helped Katrina to her feet as she wiped the tears from her face, leading her out of the room.

"So, did you find her?" Matt asked when the Boss had exited the simulation and returned to the ship.

"Yes, and she's going to need some real comforting when she gets here." The Boss replied as she walked past him, and Matt looked at her in confusion before following after her.

On Zinyak's ship, a Zin soldier was tapped on the shoulder. As he turned around the gun was snatched from his hands, and when he quickly looked for who had taken it a bullet was sent through his head.


	3. Homie Dialogue

**A/N: So in Saints Row IV, when you have two or more Homies and you do nothing for a few minutes, the Homies will say a bit of extra dialogue. And before anyone aggressively and/or annoyingly points it out, I do know that not every character is featured here. I don't know that much about Saints Row 1 characters like Ben King or Tanya, and I'm trying to find any sort of thing I could do with Cyrus or New Shaundi.**

 **Matt Miller**

M: So, Katrina. I'm…sorry about what happened to your sister and niece.

K: I don't wanna talk about it.

M: I understand, but…just know that I'm here for you.

K: *Sniff* Gloria was almost six months old.

M: Oh you poor thing. Had she learnt to talk yet?

K: A little. It was still mostly gurgling though.

M: *Chuckles* I always did love how you took such great care of her.

K: What was that?

M: Nothing.

 **C.I.D**

K: So you're actually a robot?

C.I.D.: Correct.

K: Cool.

C.I.D.: Had you not seen many robots before meeting me?

K: Not in person *giggles* but who doesn't love robots?

C.I.D.: Many do not, Miss Maximoff, when they are being attacked by them.

K: Yeah, but you wouldn't do that, would you?

C.I.D.: I see no reason to.

 **Classic/Fun Shaundi**

CS: You really love that big gun of yours, don't you?

K: He has a _name_ , you know.

CS: Really? What is it?

K: Manny.

CS: Alright. Wait, just how friendly are you two? Do you take him to bed with you or somethin'?

K: Sometimes.

 **Asha**

A: Matt told me about you, Katrina. I want you to know that I don't accept any wildcards on my team. Keep your act in check.

K: Okay, sure. How _much_ did Matt tell you?

A: Enough.

K: Did he tell you about the time I was given two contracts from two different people to kill the _other_ person, and if I didn't fulfil the contract they would hunt me down, and so instead of choosing I killed both of them and had my sister hack into their bank accounts and transfer twice as much as they had agreed to pay me?

A: No…

K: Good, because that definitely didn't happen *giggles*.

 **Pierce**

P: There's somethin' that's been buggin' me. Why you always wearing black and blue? Were you in the Deckers or something?

K: My sister was a member of the Deckers. I didn't get in, so I went to what I did best.

P: Shooting motherfuckers through the head.

K: Exactly.

 **Kenzie**

Ki: Would you stop looking at me like that?

K: Why do you hate Matt so much?

Ki: Oh I don't know; it could have something to do with the fact that he tied me up and left me on the floor of a cargo boat back in Steelport.

K: Oh…

…

K: *Laughs*

Ki: What's so funny?

K: I'm just imagining you wriggling around like a fish.

…

K: Oops.

Ki: What _now_?

K: I just remembered the last time I was tied up. *Giggles* Oops.

 **Veteran Child**

V: Wow, you're like, really tiny.

K: Thanks?

V: Oh no, it's a compliment. Name's Veteran Child. What's yours?

K: Kat.

V: Kat, huh? Cute. Is that a nickname for something?

K: People I like call me Kiss. People I don't like call me Kat.

V: Oh… _oh_ …dammit.


End file.
